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Five More Minutes With Guest Columnist Brad Rex: Shhhh!

Written by Brad Rex on May 20, 2013

In today’s post, our frequent guest columnist Brad Rex, weighs in on the importance of being humble in order to achieve success. Humble Success is an excerpt from his book, “The Surpassing! Life.”

Shhhh

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.–Mahatma Gandhi

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this; man’s being unable to sit still in a room.–Blaise Pascal

When you don’t know what to do, get still. Get very still until you do know what to do.–Oprah Winfrey

Be still and know that I am God.–Bible, Isaiah 40: 3

Phone calls. E-mails. Text messages. Commercials. Bill-boards. Pop-ups. Multi-tasking. 24/7. Single parents. Sandwich generation. Instant messaging. On demand. In today’s world, we are constantly bombarded by messages, activity and demands.

Contrast this with our forebears from a generation ago, who “lacked” our modern conveniences of cellphones, computers, microwaves, and cable television. Most stores were open 9-5 and everything was closed on Sundays, by law. There were only three TV channels; businesses communicated by letters, memos and faxes; and phones were wired to the wall. People took vacations (often for several weeks) and did not work.

A huge benefit of this lifestyle was the freedom of thought time, without distraction. Watching a sunset, taking a walk after dinner, enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon in the hammock, or completely forgetting about work on vacation was an expectation, rather than an exception.

Interestingly, the United States enjoyed its highest productivity from 1870-1950, with the greatest growth from 1930-1950. Current growth pales in comparison. The statistic of “multi-factor productivity,” which measures the benefit of new ideas, has been essentially flat since the 1970s, compared to two to three percent per year during the 1950s and 1960s. While there are many potential causes, could the lack of quiet, reflective time reduce our capacity for innovation?

Despite the pressures of our society, you can set boundaries that allow you to put thinking time back into your schedule:

• Set aside time each day on your calendar for reflection. Many people do this in the morning prior to getting ready for work or school. Some read the Bible or a morning devotional. Others walk and think. Scientific studies have shown significant benefits from combining physical activity, changing natural scenery, and pondering a problem.

• Prior to dinner, have everyone put his or her mobile device in a basket (preferably soundproof) and leave it there for the duration. For once, you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

• Put your mobile device in another room when you get home from work, and don’t look at it the rest of the night.

• Turn off the radio in the car during your commute.

• Establish a TV-free night on at least one day during the week.

• Set an out-of-office alert and turn off your e-mail on vacation. One of the best vacations we took as a family was an overseas cruise. I told everyone in the family that I would not pay international roaming charges, and all phones had to stay off during the entire trip. We focused on each other and put aside the hectic expectation of immediately responding to others.

• Set one day of your week, such as Saturday or Sunday, as a “Sabbath,” when you rest, relax and don’t do any work. Use the time to reflect and reconnect with friends and family.

As you think back on the times when you were most productive and had your best ideas, you’ll likely find it was when you were not at work. Be sure to create “downtimes” to maximize your creativity and productivity.

Action Points

• Set boundaries for yourself and your family.

• Determine your best time or environment for ideas, and replicate it.

• Recognize that a rhythm of work and rest results in greater productivity, and constant activity results in diminishing returns.

Payoff

Better ideas, a more relaxed life, a stronger family.

More stories from: Featured Story,Guest Columnist Column: Brad Rex

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Guest Columnist Brad Rex: 1,000 E-mails

Written by Brad Rex on October 18, 2012

In today’s post, our frequent guest columnist Brad Rex, weighs in on the importance of communication; specifically, answering e-mails in a timely fashion.

Now I don’t know about you, but it seems like e-mails stack up incessantly in my five (!) e-mail inboxes, not to mention Direct Messages sent via Twitter and Facebook that always seem to demand a quick response.

So 1,000 E-mails, an excerpted chapter from Brad’s recently released book, “The Surpassing! Life: 52 Practical Ways to Achieve Personal Excellence,” is sure to help all of us deal with today’s explosion in communication channels and the many ways we interact with friends, family, and coworkers.

The speed of the boss is the speed of the team.–Lee Iacocca

But you, Timothy, man of God: . . . Run hard and fast in the faith.–Bible, 1 Timothy 6:11

It bugs me when I call or e-mail someone and don’t get a response. My mind considers the possibilities: Is their voicemail or e-mail not working? Is the person on vacation? Have I offended them and they are refusing to reply because of the offense?

Then, a few days later, I’m forced into new decisions: Do I contact them again? If I called last time, should I use e-mail this time? Should I check with someone else to find out if they are on vacation?

All of this would be unnecessary if people responded within 24 hours to their messages. I have set this as a personal goal, and find that it benefits me and the people who are contacting me, in numerous ways:

• It strengthens my personal and business reputation. People know if they send me an e-mail, I will respond, and respond quickly.

• It requires me to manage my schedule effectively, building in adequate time to reply expediently.

• It forces me to delegate in order to effectively manage the number of messages I receive.

• It prevents issues from escalating, as they are resolved swiftly.

• It reduces stress, as I don’t have e-mails and calls building up over time.

• It is efficient, as I handle the issue immediately rather than putting it off and having to familiarize myself with it again later.

• It keeps me on top of rapidly changing situations, rather than being several days behind others.

When I discuss 24-hour response, the usual retort is “Sounds like a great idea, but there is no way I could ever do that with all the e-mails I get. I must get 1,000 e-mails a day!”

I reply, “If you are getting 1,000 e-mails a day, you are either a significant micro-manager or on every spammers’ address list.”

If the quantity of e-mails you receive is overwhelming, you need to reduce it by critically reviewing every e-mail that you receive and decide:

• Do I absolutely have to handle this, or can I delegate it to someone else?

• Do I need this information on an on-going basis?

• Am I being “over-informed” by a person on my team, with many e-mails telling me everything they are doing in unnecessary detail?

• Is this junk e-mail that I can stop by unsubscribing to it?

With a goal of responding in 24 hours, you can easily monitor your success, and ruthlessly reduce your e-mail to meet the target. You may find your e-mails significantly reduced, as people don’t have to send you multiple follow-up messages, since you are now responding quickly!

Action Points

• Commit to reply to your e-mails and messages within 24 hours.

• Put in place a process to ensure you meet your commitment.

• Reduce the number of e-mails that you get by critically reviewing each one.

Payoff

Less stress, a strong professional reputation, greater productivity.

More stories from: Featured Story,Guest Columnist Column: Brad Rex

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What to Make of a Diminished Thing

Written by John Paul Carter on July 30, 2012

Our frequent guest columnist, John Paul Carter, an ordained minister who writes for the Weatherford (Texas) Democrat, cites both Robert Frost and Alfred, Lord Tennyson, as he tackles the tough subject of growing old.

Among creatures “both great and small,” the poet Robert Frost seemed to have the greatest affection for birds. A good example is his tribute to “The Oven Bird,” a woodland warbler who builds its covered nest (which resembles a Dutch oven) on the ground. To the poet’s ear, the Ovenbird’s distinctive song heralds the waning of the seasons and makes a pertinent query:

The question that he frames in all but words

Is what to make of a diminished thing.

It’s easier to sing in the early stages of life when things are on the upswing – when life seems to stretch out endlessly before us. But it takes a special bird with a different song to sing when things are winding down and the season is changing, as in…

…the close of a bountiful peach harvest,

…the shrinking of a beloved village and congregation,

…our children leaving after a long anticipated visit,

…declining energy, endurance, and health,

…the loss of loved ones and friends,

…the evolving of a world we once knew.

What shall we make of our diminished things?

Is it possible in the midst of grief to give thanks for what is fading away and allow those “diminished things” to become a foundation for the future? As the clutter and busyness subside, might we find our heart’s delight? Could we develop long neglected gifts? Could less become more?

Could we discover that the bridge between the land of the living and the land of the dead is love? Might we become more aware of opportunities to share the blessings that have been ours? Could we find a depth in life that we were too busy to plumb before? Could we grow to trust God rather than His gifts?

For this stage of life, Alfred, Lord Tennyson gives a good answer to the Ovenbird’s probing question, “What to make of a diminished thing?”

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

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Playing Favorites

Written by Brad Rex on June 25, 2012

Here is the fourth offering from one of our frequent guest columnists, Brad Rex. Not only is Brad my beloved brother, but he’s head of The Brad Rex Group, a consultant, noted public speaker, husband for 30 years, and father of three.

I’m proud to report that Brad’s new book, “The Surpassing! Life,” was published in May, so is now available for purchase here.

And I’m also honored to be among the first to excerpt parts of “Surpassing!” in the coming months.

Here’s his chapter entitled, Playing Favorites, which showcases the idea that every person is important and makes a difference. It speaks to the Five More Minutes With zeitgeist because we should all value and praise the worth of those around us (especially friends and family members) each and every day.

Thanks for your wisdom, as always, Brad. And congrats on a job well done with your new book!

Rejoice in your special talents, and recognize others.

C. S. Lewis

But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of.

Bible, 1 Corinthians 12: 19

Diversity and inclusion is a significant theme at Disney parks and resorts. The rallying cry used by Disney is R.A.V.E.—Respect, Appreciate and Value Everyone.

I really like this message, as it captures the idea that every person is important and makes a difference.

As you live out the idea of respecting, appreciating, and valuing everyone that you meet, you will develop strong relationships of mutual admiration.

It pains me to watch a person smile and greet a fellow traveler at the airport, but ignore the custodian, as if he was not there. We all have a tendency to judge a person’s value and only interact with people who have an equal or greater “value” than us. And some actually demean people who are perceived as having less value.

I wasn’t supposed to play favorites as the leader of Epcot. But, I have to admit that I did have a favorite group of Cast Members—the Custodial team. This team was very proud of the work that they did every day, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, keeping Epcot spotless.

I tried to attend many Custodial pre-shift meetings. When I did, you could hear a buzz around the room that the VP was there. I would often start the meetings by asking the group, “Who is more important—me or you?”

I would go on to say that, if I were gone for a month, very few Epcot Guests would notice. It might impact our longer-range plans and there may be a few small hits, but, overall, the park would keep running well.

However, if the Custodial team was gone for a day, imagine what would happen—trash bins overflowing, restrooms filthy, kitchens unsanitary. So, who is more important?

In 2004, Richard Branson, the billionaire leader of the Virgin companies, had a reality television show entitled The Rebel Billionaire: Branson’s Quest for the Best. Through a series of business and physical challenges, Branson eliminated contestants, with the final contestant winning the opportunity to lead one of Branson’s companies, Virgin Worldwide.

One episode featured a business presentation that the team had to create and then present to Branson. The team worked on the presentation and was told to go across town by limousine.

One member of the team was the clear leader, and was a favored candidate to win the ultimate prize. When the group arrived at the building exit, the limousine was not there. Finally it arrived. Words were exchanged with the limousine driver, everyone got it, and they arrived at their destination.

Richard Branson was not in the presentation room, and the group was told to present to some of his executives. The favored candidate did a brilliant job presenting and answering questions.

At the end, the door to the conference room opened and Richard Branson walked in, dressed in a chauffeur’s uniform.

He stared directly at the favored candidate and told him he would never run one of his companies. The picture then went to video of the interaction with the limousine driver, and showed the candidate berating the chauffeur, who was Richard Branson in disguise, for being late and stupid.

“If this is how you treat someone who is serving you, you will not serve as a leader in the Virgin organization,” said Branson. Branson saw that this young leader did not respect, appreciate, and value everyone, and his relationships would suffer because of it.

I used to put on a Custodial costume and walk around Epcot, panning and brooming. It was as if I was invisible. I could talk to Guests, watch how managers interacted with Cast Members, and gauge the service of the operation much better than when people knew the VP was in the park.

And, it sent a clear message to the Cast at Epcot that I believed every job and every person was important.

Are you known as a person who respects, appreciates, and values everyone? If so, you will find people will want to know you and build relationships with you.

On the other hand, if you tend to demean and belittle others, you’ll lead a lonely and often bitter life.

The Bible tells us that we should “in humility, consider others better than yourself.” If you approach people this way and express genuine interest in them, you can create strong relationships and a wonderful, surpassing life.

Action Points

• Respect, appreciate, and value everyone, especially those who serve you.

• Get “in costume” and do other people’s roles, to understand their life.

• Consider others better than yourself.

Payoff

Deeper relationships, greater respect and appreciation of others, a diverse and inclusive work and personal life

Comments and Praise

Windows and Mirrors

Written by Brad Rex on May 17, 2012

Here is the third offering from our newest guest columnist, Brad Rex. Not only is Brad my beloved brother, but he’s head of The Brad Rex Group, a consultant, noted public speaker, husband for 30 years, and father of three.

I’m proud to report that Brad’s new book, “The Surpassing! Life,” was published on May 15, so is now available for purchase here.

And I’m also honored to be among the first to excerpt parts of “Surpassing!” in the coming months.

Here’s his chapter entitled, Windows and Mirrors, which shows us how to accept praise, and give it. It speaks to the Five More Minutes With zeitgeist because we should all thank those around us (especially family members) each and every day.

Thanks for your wisdom, as always, Brad. And congrats on a job well done with your new book!

Here is his essay entitled, Windows and Mirrors.

But those who exalt themselves will be humbled,

and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Matthew 23:12

Conventional wisdom would tell you to “blow your own horn” to get recognized and advance. However, this negates the importance of surrounding yourself with great people who will be the true drivers of your career. Great people want to work for someone who gives them the credit, rather than keeping the honors and minimizing their contribution.

Jim Collins, in his analysis of the highest levels of leadership in “Good to Great” writes: The leaders who sit in the most powerful seats in our organization practice the window and the mirror.

They point out the window to people and factors other than themselves to give credit for success. When confronted with failures, they look in the mirror and say, “I am responsible.”

Leaders who are “windows” are secure in their leadership, and don’t need to draw attention to their performance. They happily share credit and highlight their people, as they know this credit sharing has two major benefits—it motivates the team to achieve even higher performance and it builds loyalty for the leader. These benefits far outweigh a brief time in the spotlight for the boastful alternative.

These leaders are also “mirrors” who accept responsibility for failures. They earn their pay and title by shielding their teams from corporate wrath. This instills further loyalty as people realize “success has many parents, but failure is an orphan.”

The focus of the team becomes course correction rather than blame shifting. The team also learns to take risks, knowing the leader “has their back” if the risk doesn’t succeed. Most companies say they want to be innovative and take risks, but, to do so successfully, they need leaders who accept rather than punish failure.

The best leaders extensively recognize the contributions of their people at all levels. This reinforces positive behaviors and creates strong loyalty.

Shortly after Meg Crofton was named as the President of Walt Disney World, she walked Epcot with me.

One of the frontline Cast Members approached us and I introduced her to Meg. She said, “I was at the movies the other day and thought about Brad.” I asked her if it was because of my resemblance to Brad Pitt, and she politely answered, “Not exactly.” She went on to say that a few months before, I had witnessed her giving great Guest service, thanked her and gave her a note from me with two movie ticket vouchers, in recognition of her work. “No one ever did anything like that for me before,” she said, “and I will always remember it.”

For me, it had not seemed like a big deal but, for her, taking the time to recognize her and giving her a small tangible token of appreciation was a “magical memory.” Oftentimes, just a simple “thank you,” “great job,” or “I’m proud of you” goes a long way.

Action Points

• Think about how often you “blow your own horn” and how often you give others the credit.

• When things go right, do you take the credit or give credit to the team?

• Conversely, when things go wrong, whom do you blame?

• How often do you take the time to recognize the people who work for you, verbally and with small gifts?

Payoff

Stronger teams, greater loyalty, a willingness to take risks, higher performance.

More stories from: Featured Story,Guest Columnist Column: Brad Rex

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Welcome Brad Rex, Our New Guest Columnist

Written by Brad Rex on March 12, 2012

Today we welcome our newest guest columnist, Brad Rex. If the name sounds familiar, it should, because Brad is my beloved brother!

My younger brother and only sibling has led a exciting and eclectic life. He was a nuclear submarine officer, leader of Disney’s Epcot® theme park for five years, Executive Vice President/Chief Customer Officer for Hilton Grand Vacations, and a distinguished graduate of the United States Naval Academy and Harvard Business School. Today he’s a consultant, noted public speaker, husband for 30 years, and father of three.

I’m proud to report that Brad’s new book, “The Surpassing! Life,” will be published in May. And I’m honored to be among the first to excerpt parts of “Surpassing!” today and in the coming months.

Here’s his chapter entitled, “The 100 Item Club.” It includes tips on reducing the clutter in your life, so that you can enjoy each and every day to the fullest with your loved ones, very much part of the zeitgeist of Five More Minutes With. At the end, he even includes Action Points and the Payoff if you follow his recommendations.

Thanks for your wisdom, as always, Brad!

“We spend money we don’t have, to buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t like.”–Will Rogers

I recently read an article about the “100-Item Club.” Members of this club agree to only own a total of 100 items. In this case, an “item” means things like a spoon, cup, plate, toothbrush, belt, shirt, etc. It is not clear if a pair of shoes or socks is one item or two, but in the strictest definition, I assume you would have to count each sock or shoe separately. At first, I thought the concept of limiting yourself to this degree was crazy. But, as I considered it further, there is a simplicity and discipline that is appealing.

We all need to learn how to keep our lifestyles in check. Our marketing and sales driven culture is based on creating unnecessary dissatisfaction and desire. Before watching a television ad, you may have no idea that you “need” a pick-up truck or that you will be able to go out with a beautiful woman if you just drink a particular kind of beer. Advertisements play to particular fears, like having body odor or bad breath, or running out of money in old age. Many are focused on sexuality and being appealing to others. All promise to solve your problems (sometimes real, most often created) if you just buy a particular item or service. People get sucked into the spending cycle—buying something to make them feel better about themselves, getting initial pleasure and then a let down, and then buying something else that ultimately disappoints.

There are several ways to break the cycle. First, you have to differentiate wants from needs. You may want something, but do you really need it? More stuff leads to more hassles. One of the worst purchases I ever made was a waterskiing boat. When I left Disney, I promised to buy my children, who were then teenagers, a boat. After nine years in the Navy, I had had enough of boats to last me for my lifetime. But, I felt a little guilty that they would no longer be able to have Disney experiences (although Hilton stays were a great replacement!). The boat added major complexity to our lives, with trailering, maintenance, storage, insurance, fueling, cleaning, etc. It seemed like every time we planned a lake day, the boat didn’t work. It was an expensive burden.

As I thought about it, most new items that we buy are like the boat. We get the latest electronic gadget, then have to spend time figuring out how to make it work. If it is a computer, we have to do constant software upgrades or download new anti-virus software. Smartphones can be useful, but can also be a time sink and take away from personal interactions. The pleasure vs. stress trade-off is often out of whack, and your “wants” become encumbrances.

Second, if you do need it, think about buying it used. Marketers will tell you one of the most enticing words to put into an advertisement is “New.” People assume new is better and more desirable. Yet, there is often nothing wrong with “used.” I own a BMW and talked to one of their technicians while waiting on my car. I asked him about the most reliable cars, and he said the best strategy is to buy a car that is a few years old. He said, “It’s crazy that owners trade in their cars when they are three years old. That is just when all the bugs have been fixed. BMW is constantly upgrading the software in their vehicles, and the early years are when you have the most upgrades.” He recommended buying a pre-owned car that was a few years old, both for the value and the lowest maintenance requirements.

Third, don’t automatically buy a bigger house when your income increases. You should actually also consider renting rather than buying. We have lived in the same home for over 17 years. We have been very tempted to trade up to a larger home or one on a lake. But, we have also been very thankful as we have watched friends become “house poor” or even lose their homes when the economy and home prices turned down. By living in the same home for a long period, we have withstood real estate market changes and kept our taxes low. With that said, we should have considered renting rather than purchasing our home. Most studies show you should never buy a home unless you are certain to live in it for more than seven years, or you will lose money when compared to renting. As I look back, there is no question that we should have rented our homes instead of buying in the first decade of our marriage. Nancy and I moved 11 times in our first 13 years. We purchased two homes during that time. When we moved to England, we had to rent out our home in Cleveland. Had we not purchased, we likely would have lived in larger homes, simplified our lives significantly, and been better off financially.

If you want to dampen your inclination toward a materialistic lifestyle, work in a homeless shelter or, better yet, travel to a third world country and see how most of the world’s population lives. Most Americans have two homes, and don’t even realize it. An American family adopted a boy who lived in a slum in South America. When they got to their home, the boy put his few belongings in the garage, and started to set up his bed there. His adoptive parents asked him what he was doing, and he said he was putting his things in their “home.” They explained to him that this was the garage, and then opened the door to his home. “So, all Americans have two homes?” he asked, with an amazed look on his face. We don’t often think about having two homes, but to most people in other countries, the idea of storing your cars in an enclosed, covered space is extravagant.

Keeping your lifestyle in check provides simplicity, freedom from debt, an ability to give more to help others, and a fabulous example for your children—all part of a surpassing lifestyle.

Action Points

Before making any purchase, ask:

• Do I really need this, or am I being manipulated to buy it?

• Will this make my life simpler or more complex?

• Should I buy it used?

• Should I rent rather than buy?

Don’t buy a bigger house just because you can afford it.

Payoff

Financial freedom and a simpler, easier life.

Comments and Praise

The Real Meaning of “Kin”

Written by John Paul Carter on March 1, 2011

This is the second installment from guest columnist John Paul Carter. John Paul, my husband’s cousin, is a retired mental-health counselor, part-time pastor, and long-time columnist for the Weatherford Democrat newspaper in Weatherford, Texas.

He’ll be submitting his previously published columns from time to time and we’ll reprint them here.

They offer a wealth of wisdom and are just perfect for the Five More Minutes With audience.Thank you again, John Paul!

***

Author Forrest Carter is perhaps best known for his popular novel “The Outlaw Jose Wales,” which was made into the movie “Gone to Texas,” starring Clint Eastwood. But many believe that Carter’s one great novel was “The Education of Little Tree,” his autobiographical remembrance of his orphaned boyhood with his Eastern Cherokee Hill country grandparents during the 1930s depression.

Little Tree recalled that when, late at night, he heard his grandpa tell his grandma, “I kin ye, Bonnie Bee,” he knew that he was saying, “I love ye” – because of the feeling in the words.

“And when they would be talking,” Little Tree recollected, “and Grandma would say ‘Do ye kin me, Wales?’ and he would answer, ‘I kin ye,’ it meant, ‘I understand ye.’

To them, love and understanding was the same thing. Granma said you couldn’t love something you didn’t understand….Granpa and Granma had an understanding, and so they had a love….And they called it ‘kin.’”

Little Tree’s grandpa told him that “before his time ‘kinfolks’ meant any folks that you understood and had an understanding with, so it meant ‘loved folks.’ But people got selfish, and brought it down to mean just blood relatives; but that actually it was never meant to mean that.”

“Kin” is a small but powerful word that brings together two beautiful actions that are inseparable: love and understanding. When we feel understood, we feel loved. And when we feel loved, we trust that we will be understood.

To be understood is to be heard, validated, accepted, and valued. One of our greatest needs is love that understands – from other persons and from our Creator.

Love that understands requires the courage to express ourselves – to reveal our feelings, thoughts, differences, secrets, faults, and our pride as well as our shame.

Our greatest fear is that if I tell you who I am, you may not love me. (The courage to take such a risk is strengthened if there’s already some measure of trust within the relationship.)

At the same time, such love requires the will to understand the other – to listen with empathy and patience…without pre-judgment, criticism, or advice.

It resists claiming, “I know exactly how you feel.” And when told, “You don’t understand,” determined love responds, “I want to understand. Can you tell me more?” and then waits in silence.

Stephen Covey believes that one of the habits of highly effective people is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” My temptation is to let my own need to be understood, helpful, or right undercut my “hearing the other person out” in a way that might enable them to feel heard and valued.

In Jesus of Nazareth, God risked himself to understand us and to reveal his unwavering love for the world. Because we are all God’s kin, we’re called to “kin” one another.

In the words of Francis of Assisi, “O Divine Master, grant that we might not so much seek to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love….” Amen