Staring off in the cold grey dawn

wondering if I was wrong.

I remember the look in your eyes

now hazed as I cry.

In the silence of a dead calm

now there is no place in our time.

The past rushes over me and I become blind.

Like the torrid waves in my mind

fades to nothing down a black hole of time

of now memory of regretful past.

But still I had love that will last.

Thinking now of the dark rain

as it always seems to happen

in a tidal wave of despair

and an ever-darkening pain.

From the shadows of the past

my sad thoughts echo in measured tones

like weights of ancient stones.

The web of gloom surrounds me

like black castle walls trying to defeat me.

But my disturbing memories

blazed into my mind’s fires

now lost without your desires.

Starry nights to silvery moons

turn now to nights in many dooms.

To wading deep in worry now

until the gentle breeze of time

pushes them back to sublime

Now I see them in a new view.

Like love and lost encased in a bubble

pops open to new potentials.

Now soft mystic winds are blowing

as my wholeness floats back to me.

I now can feel my heart trigger

as I warm to a new glow.

With a young and strong heart

I am now ready to depart.

I now walk alone

solid as a stone.

Into the abysses of loss.

But they are sucked into the past

through a wormhole in time.

Thirty years later

perhaps being the greater

I ponder where we had walked

now in the footprints to talk.

I find myself in a floating sea of maybe.

Now I am traveling alone down that highway of bird sanctuaries and sand dunes.

To the highway and island of memory and time.

I am now courting past memories piercing the heart sublime.

I feel the love for what has been.

Looking back thinking my heart can recover and win.

I am the lonely figurehead defined as some body with no real powers.

Then rain shadows my heart and eyes with showers.

Dark shadows now behind me overcoming my life’s rhythm.

Is this dark shadow my consequences catching up on me?

Or is it here to jettison me on.

I now feel its power pushing me forward.

But is this a godly trick?

To push, me back, to my chaotic mix.

Now the rain has stopped and the moonlight crown

has shown upon my head.

But now darkness consumes me and I feel dread.

But it is only the night and I now start to feel anger in red.

Yes I am sad, but I am also inflamed and stormy.

This now torrent rain is trying to defeat me;

in a never to know, potential, to consume me.

Then the sky clears from a never ending rain to one of anger and disdain.

Then suddenly I realize it is not raining it was just my tears.

On this fast road I now see a reflection shimmering in a heavenly pool.

A reflection of a memory suddenly I realize is cool.

Now I see only sunshine as I realize she was a great love.

But as my second oldest brother’s wisdom said,

“It is better to love and lost than not loved at all.”

Thirty years later,

perhaps being the greater,

Linda has found me.

She tells me she loved me and always will.

Sorry you left suddenly as we never talked about how we parted.

But now gives me a kiss.

As now nothing is amiss.

The past had merged with the future and although we are worlds apart;

It is good to know in closure that we pierced each other’s hearts.

Editor’s Note: Barry A. Popkin is the Delaware-based author of four books in multiple genres including military history and family biography. They include: “My Year in Vietnam,” “The Savior The Prophet The War,” “Worlds Collide,” and “The Death of God in New York City.” All the books are available on his website or on Amazon.com.