I

I must be honest, my last five minutes would be a desperate attempt to tell my two sweet little girls–Chloe, age 11, and Camille, age 6, how desperate I am to keep them.

I would say, “Oh my precious babies, you are all I have. Do not leave me! Why must you go? I need you. I don’t want to stay here and do this thing without you.

“Who will I make french toast for? Who will I get my special hugs from after having a long day at work?

“Who will stay up late when I work too long just to see me? Who will I make piggy tails for?

“Who is gonna put on too much perfume for school and choke me? I need you! I love being a mommy.

“Tell God not to do this to me. I don’t wanna be tough. I don’t wanna learn to live in the moment.

“I want to watch our family videos someday when you have children and use them against you like I said I was going to do.

“I wanna take the trip that we have planned next month to Disney. Please don’t go. We have such a nice life. All I need is you.

“I will never be a Momma. How can I bear this heartache. When you leave you will take Christmas and Halloween, Mardi Gras and St. Paddy’s too.

“We always have so much fun on Nascar Sunday. Can’t you please stay?

“I want you to out-live me. I want you to bury me. I don’t want to see you in that coffin. I don’t wanna be spiritual!!

“I want to be your girls Momma, like its supposed to be.

“Dang, Camille. You just lost your first tooth yesterday.

“Chloe, we both know you pulled your last baby tooth yesterday so that the dentist would refer you to that orthodontist. I want to spend six grand on your teeth!

“I want to run back home after dropping you off for school to retrieve your forgotten lunch or backpack. I want to keep finding clothes for little skinny girls who have no booty to hold them up. I will so miss you. I don’t wanna say goodbye.

“But since you have to go, please come to me in my dreams and let me feel your presence.

“Please help me find God because I’m gonna need somthing to get me through.

“Please let me know you girls are with Mamaw again. She will watch out for you. Chloe, you know she loved you the best because you were the first!

“I will make you proud. I will keep helping disenfranchised kids, and I will think of you every time I hear our songs we sang.

“There are so many of them. so you will come to mind often. I will think of you every day.

“Your being born has changed my life forever. I wouldn’t change being your Momma, even though it hurts so bad to let you go.

“I know the timer is going off so I have no choice but to say that I look forward to another lifetime in which we can be together and I won’t have to say goodbye this way.

“I love you to the ends of the earth! No one has ever been so loved……